i have that appointment tomorrow... or at least i think i do? i'm just working off memory here bc i never actually added it to my phone's calendar

i'm not sure if it's still scheduled tho, they usually call/text the day before to confirm

they did call me yesterday, and i never picked up or listened to the voicemail

well if i do end up having it still i'm just gonna skip out on it bc i didn't make that appointment at that other place beforehand like i was supposed to

if they drop me as a patient that's a good thing

i deserve it

also i have like two or three medications at the pharmacy just waiting to be picked up

they've been there for days

i'm not picking em up

i'm not out of anything yet so

everything is a mess

i can barely function

i really really hate myself

i've just been missing appointments all over the place

i don't care

the more i fuck shit up the more i can justify just giving up entirely

i've just been sleeping constantly

is this what life is now

slowly getting more and more depressed

mental health? more like mental HELL, i need mental HELP

ugh

i've been wanting to make that pun for so long

eventually they'll change my antipsychotic and i'll just go full batshit again and do some shit that kills me

or something

who knows

i don't really value myself as a person

i certainly don't value my own existence

why am i stuck in this shit reality?

it sucks

i wouldn't care if some wacky shit happened with my meds and schizophrenia and i ended up dead

i just would not care

i'd be happy